Monday, May 10, 2010
our relationship is so fragile that i couldnt believe i cant hold it properly anymore le... fade and die?
my favourite quotes which i think suit me and him ~
when love takes over, you know you cant deny.
The worst thing to confront is to watch the person you love loving someone else!
Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime.
It´s better to be friends than giving you another chance.
im gonna accept the fact that he love me less
due to many unhappy moments and quarrels
first time shed tears in front of him
i ask him will he brk up wif me for another woman? he say duno
i ask him will he stop loving me? he say duno
i ask him he used to say he hope im his last one, does it still counted? he say duno
he said, he feel numb with regards to relationships le
he said, he dun dare to promise anything le
1 reason he will brk up
is if we are not happy together anymore
2 reasons i will brk up
one is he dun love me
the other one is i cant give him happiness, or rather i cant meet his expectations
he said, happiness canot be measured
he asked, will i break up with him if i dun love him? i say i will
he asked, will i break up with him if he dun love me? i say of cuz
saw a tear dropping from his eye... its my imagination afterall...
i asked him again, did he love me lesser? if yes pls tell me, so that i can try earn it back? kekeke
he said, love cannot be earned...
making dear test him again im sorry, but its cleared that he hiding a girl behind me... he shows clear interest to another girl and even want to meet her exchange numbers... real details i dun wan say le...
heartbreaking...
im the one who murdered this relationship before
to numb his love for me
cannot return
cannot go back anymore
even when i realised i love him till wu ke jiu yao
cannot go back anymore
cannot regret anymore
i know
he knows, probably
first time shedding tears of regret in front of him
he only asked me not to cry and gave me a tissue
he no convinced me he still love me lots
i then realised
his love to me is getting numb and lesser
yeah my fault for even mentioning break up
thank you _ _ R _ _ for advice
yr case goes to happy ending such that
both of yr trust had gone stronger
this sentence encourage me to go ask him straightaway
yet i found out the cruel truth
he love me lesser
i asked him again... does he feel happy when being with me
he said, still ok luh
no reason for break up
great!
i can prepare myself
bit by bit
to love him lesser
when im able to talk to him in normal mood as normal friend
and accept the fact he will leave me...
i will let the tragedy to enter...
thought of that, wana cry again
he sends me back home
the wind gave me courage to accept the truth
his perfect girl isnt me
my sweet isnt him either
everytime sit behind him will think, whether he will be mine?
the answer now is im gona say byebye to him one day
my instinct says... not too soon and not too fast
i must be myself in front of him again
so as to find courage to let him go one day
banging wall for the last time
next day i will be able to roll on floor laughing out loud me rolling rolling
and will wait for a new sweet ~ a sweet that give me never ending sweetness
by then, i should be able to rolling and laughing
kind-hearted people who read this, please donate some kind words of console in the chatbox to entertain this poor girl... thank you so much...
iKillBiscuit
4:58 AM
Friday, May 7, 2010
today my 1yr old nephew comes my house... as usual... keep wanting sit on my lap when im in frt of my desktop =.= so hard to play audi den i off liao ;eeks no mood to audi anw cuz of my proj ;sob
i like my course, i dun like my course; i like my school, i dun like my school; i like to audi, i dun like to audi; i like drawing, i dun like drawing; i like coloring, i dun like coloring; NOW... what am i talking about? xD
yesterday burn oil and fire dao this morning 6.30am... den sleep in morning skip morning class.. haizz... reach there le jiu continue my coloring job... den my grp leader ask me whether i can design one main character... i say ok lo... den he say he help me do the shadows coloring... haizz kana snatch job again... he himself hvn finish his parts jiu wan to take my job... last time oso... i finish all the characters' draft design and sort of decide on using mine... in the end he go do his own characters sheet and settle with his characters... all my efforts wasted... zzz... den he say dao duno give what things for me to do... i sibeii angry but what to do? i go toilet stone for 1/2 hr emo-ing... haizz... so many fan naos for my fyp... still hv to maintain good relationship with hr... x.x
this morning sleeping actually got a bad dream... i dream bout him liking back his ex-gf den choose her in front of me... i ji-tao heartbrk... i think after that i also dream bout keep going to dear for sayanging me... the part where he liking back his ex feels very real.. dear u say before right? me and him de situation now very easy can get 3rd parties... "he treat xue as his back-up plan" uh... saying "i miss you" to other gal... really, how to forgive him lidat...
when i got mood to audi and play it for whole day, he say he hate me audi... when i no mood to audi worrying bout my proj and bugged by my nephew, he ask me play tgt... faint fall bang wall... i tot he wan spend time tgt even though we at our own homes so he tot of audi tgt. he even said wan play till +5 bonus, which means can play tgt for about 2 to 3 hrs? i ask him eat le dinner mah? he say hvn.. he say he mite wan cook pasta but a bit lazy... after 5 games he dc-ed... in msn he say lazy cook zz, den he say shd i go out n eat? then he mia for 1hr++ i no mood to audi yet stone in audi for 1hr to wait him... after that hour he sms me say i out to eat... i say "oh ok, eating wif fren? enjoy ^^".. he din reply liao... aft ard 3 hrs (11.25pm) he say he back liao... haizz... ask him 2 qns he ans 1 qn.. make me use the other way round to ask the other qn again ;eeks but out of all things i've complained, i guess 1 thing still happy bout me and him is that he seems to be willing to lvl up our ring... all the best? lol
im finding my r/s wif him is getting ridiculous... cant feel his love when he's not wif me... cant feel he is supporting me and will be always by my side... cant feel that he's happy by just being wif me even he says he's happy... worst thing is sometimes cant feel that im actually have a bf, only able to feel from his necklace he gave me.. brb go bang wall T.T
iKillBiscuit
2:54 AM
Sunday, May 2, 2010
"love others like how u wan others love u" uh.... this sentence sounds very good.. indeed, say is easier then act it out. i told my best friend bout me n hr thingy. she says i shdnt ask patch from the start, im worth of a more better guy than him. but from what u said, i should love him the way i wan he love me right? so i should shower him love first. when me and him meet, we got nothing to talk. i feel very uncomfortable for not talking but i really have nothing to talk in front of him. i guess all the fuss i make, all the things i complain about, basically its jus 1 thing, and thats his sadistic emo-ness.
im envious of his last ex-gf, able to last for 3 years plus. though he bluff me say he and her last 2 yrs. what happen actually between he and his ex? i got so many questions in mind. after the break up how does he feel? when he break up that time is it because he had no feelings for her liao? is it painful? is it as simple as just cuz of too many quarrels? how they managed to tahan each other for 3 yrs? who love who first? whats their feelings throughout the whole 3 yrs? whats the whole story?
these few days of spying... getting more and more lonely.. feel that u not with me, feel that he also not with me... all my fault.. im the one ask dear to spy him... in the end did not prepared all these shitty jealousy feelings... u pm him as a gal, he replied u thinking u r gal... though the truth is nothing between u two,
what i cant forgive is he can talk dao so friendly to other girls while talknig to me like sian sian type. when i was primary school time, i quarrel a lot with my best friend, all main causes are me not understanding her and anyhow throw temper. she said this, once two persons bcum soo familiar with each other, u will become more selfish and demanding and will show each other de flaws and treat the other like shit, so end up quarrel with each other, whereas two strangers who dont know anything bout each other, tend to be more friendly and show each other good sides first, then give the delusion u r the best person to talk to. though i forgt the correct sentence but the meaning really goes like this. i duno u understand this anot.. lol... i guess me and him r at this stage now.
still all my fault for not understanding my bf, i need to be mature even more, understand him even more and bao rong him even even more. thats how me and my best friend become best friends.
but for this guy who is a da nan ren, who is not sensitive, who is not caring enough, who is kinda boring and quiet, how long do i need to tolerate him, how much more i need to understand him, how much more i need to bao rong him? if i everyday every hour every minute every second de talk to him, support him, give him all my smiles, be a 100% cheerful girl, hide all my complains and forgive and forget, maintain my cheerfulness, be mature, forgive his nags and do what he says (no audi-ing, no maggie mee, no fast food, no sleep late, must pro-active, must be understanding, must study, must do assignments, must do useful things), will he treat me any better? will he realise my good side and decide change himself? even though a big complain from me is~ im still 19yr old, how can u expect me be 99% perfect woman? "love others like how u wan others love u", if i love him and change myself till like that, will he love me back the same way?
dear, honestly speaking, if want me do all these, i rather go die... brb i go bang wall T.T
iKillBiscuit
4:48 PM
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Love, sometimes i wonder what love really is. Whenever i think i understand love, somethings happen and im lost n dumbfound. Love can be simple and complicated. Saying I Love U is easy but to prove it, well tts hard. How do ppl gauge the Love? Action,expression or sincerity? It can be little things or it can be something tt only u can do. Every one has their own perception of love.
Me, im sinmple i go by this rule ~ Love others as how you want others to love you. somehow i find tt its a failure ~ Sometimes i try to second guess or be sensitive but somehow i alwaz fail in tt area... Its either im too sensitive or i miss out e little hints tt they give n i end up making things worse. Life is so unpredictable n Love is even worse. Everyone would liek to have a partner who they can rely and look for comfort in times of needs. Nobody wants to be neglected, everyone wish that their loves one will be caring,loving,understand and knowing what he/she wants. It takes 2 to clap in a r/s. Giving in to one another is essential in a r/s that is what i think la. If its a one sided affair well u know it be so hard to maintain a r/s. Sparks will go off and many things will happen,everything start out like a fairy tale and end like a drama. Sometimes i tried as long as you are happy im contend, i find that its very very next to impossible unless you got no feelings for that person only than you can do that. Unless you are a saint la coz i see every little things that happen to the person that you care, your heart will bleed,ache and you want to run up n protect her n comfort her. Its hard as in reality you cant do that even if u can its juz a temporaly respite. Once shes back on her feet ,everything is back to sqaure one.
Love can be selfish, some ppl can do lots of things for love. Its a curse and a joy just liek a sword. Its double edge, it can kill and it can protect. It depends on how you use it sames goes to love. Its how you going to maintain a r/s, getting hurt is part n parcel of a r/s bt we learn to pick up ourself n walk again. Nothing is perfect in this world but we alwaz hope for the best. Hope is something that we learn to live with, without hope human will despair.
In a r/s there are good and bad memories. We cannot erase them away,where ever we go to memories will surface. Running away will no thide the only way is to embrace it and bottle it up and accpet it. It is part of our journey and something to remember, no matter how painful it is. We have to accpet it, its hard but not impossible.
Loving you has been something that i never regret. I enjoy being with you, really perks me up. I dont kno whow to phrase it its just that from the bottom of my heart i really care,every little things that upset you or hurt you i feel the pain too. Be happy gal. Love you alwaz ~~
iHate
4:59 PM
