Sunday, May 2, 2010
"love others like how u wan others love u" uh.... this sentence sounds very good.. indeed, say is easier then act it out. i told my best friend bout me n hr thingy. she says i shdnt ask patch from the start, im worth of a more better guy than him. but from what u said, i should love him the way i wan he love me right? so i should shower him love first. when me and him meet, we got nothing to talk. i feel very uncomfortable for not talking but i really have nothing to talk in front of him. i guess all the fuss i make, all the things i complain about, basically its jus 1 thing, and thats his sadistic emo-ness.
im envious of his last ex-gf, able to last for 3 years plus. though he bluff me say he and her last 2 yrs. what happen actually between he and his ex? i got so many questions in mind. after the break up how does he feel? when he break up that time is it because he had no feelings for her liao? is it painful? is it as simple as just cuz of too many quarrels? how they managed to tahan each other for 3 yrs? who love who first? whats their feelings throughout the whole 3 yrs? whats the whole story?
these few days of spying... getting more and more lonely.. feel that u not with me, feel that he also not with me... all my fault.. im the one ask dear to spy him... in the end did not prepared all these shitty jealousy feelings... u pm him as a gal, he replied u thinking u r gal... though the truth is nothing between u two,
what i cant forgive is he can talk dao so friendly to other girls while talknig to me like sian sian type. when i was primary school time, i quarrel a lot with my best friend, all main causes are me not understanding her and anyhow throw temper. she said this, once two persons bcum soo familiar with each other, u will become more selfish and demanding and will show each other de flaws and treat the other like shit, so end up quarrel with each other, whereas two strangers who dont know anything bout each other, tend to be more friendly and show each other good sides first, then give the delusion u r the best person to talk to. though i forgt the correct sentence but the meaning really goes like this. i duno u understand this anot.. lol... i guess me and him r at this stage now.
still all my fault for not understanding my bf, i need to be mature even more, understand him even more and bao rong him even even more. thats how me and my best friend become best friends.
but for this guy who is a da nan ren, who is not sensitive, who is not caring enough, who is kinda boring and quiet, how long do i need to tolerate him, how much more i need to understand him, how much more i need to bao rong him? if i everyday every hour every minute every second de talk to him, support him, give him all my smiles, be a 100% cheerful girl, hide all my complains and forgive and forget, maintain my cheerfulness, be mature, forgive his nags and do what he says (no audi-ing, no maggie mee, no fast food, no sleep late, must pro-active, must be understanding, must study, must do assignments, must do useful things), will he treat me any better? will he realise my good side and decide change himself? even though a big complain from me is~ im still 19yr old, how can u expect me be 99% perfect woman? "love others like how u wan others love u", if i love him and change myself till like that, will he love me back the same way?
dear, honestly speaking, if want me do all these, i rather go die... brb i go bang wall T.T
iKillBiscuit
4:48 PM
